You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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