i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
