we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
