i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
they need to just BURY HIM!
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
