I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
