im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Randomize
