youre lurking in front of me
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife đŹ
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing âHappy Birthdayâ to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, âWhy didnât you sing along?!?â I responded, âI donât know him. I donât give a shit if he has a happy birthday.â
Dry spell is over and now Iâm drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
Itâs a glorious dick miracle!
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