so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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