wrigley field is MILF paradise
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Randomize
