good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
