trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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