those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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