What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
