Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
