So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
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