You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
