When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
