whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
