It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
why do cheetos always look like penises
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
