i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
