So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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