Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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