Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
