My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
