i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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