she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
