are you still at the devil's house?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
