Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
