what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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