You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
