Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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