it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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