you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
