Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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