this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
