I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
