I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
