Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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