i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
