Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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