youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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