I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
