I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Green mimosas i think yes
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
