i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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