is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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