You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
