That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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