dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
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