I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
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