You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
