I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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